Setting standards is one thing, but actually communicating and living up to your standards is something different all together. Doing so requires a level of vulnerability and authenticity that often leaves us trembling, uncontrollably, from the fear of rejection.
Now, I know you’re thinking, “Um, are we talking about a dating relationship, Gala?” Nope, we are talking about the standards that you set for yourself and truth about how you give up on, bend, break, or suspend the commitment you made to yourself to maintain the standards you set. There by rejecting your own hopes and dreams. We won’t even get into the fact no one will honor the standards and boundaries you set, until you consistently honor them within yourself first, at least not yet.
We deal with more self-rejection than we do from other people. We set ourselves up to fail more times than we set ourselves up to succeed. And here’s the kicker, we are ALWAYS looking for someone else to take the blame.
A quote from Brene Brown that has stuck with me over time states, “It is easier to discharge pain than it is to feel it.” Just say ouch, amen, or sh*t! Well, that’s usually what leaps out of my mouth when I read Brene Brown’s truth bombs. It isn’t until we fully feel the pain of self-rejection and become acquainted with what it’s really like to let ourselves down that we can advance in, not just setting standards for ourselves, but also moving in alignment with those standards. As you do, what you will realize is that people start to treat and interact with you differently.
The way people treat us is a reflection of how we first treat ourselves.
Here are three questions you can reflect on as you seek to set and move in alignment with, then communicate your standards:
As you identify, anchor, and embody these standards, I encourage you to take your standards and turn them into daily affirmations.
“The measure of a woman is not how she nurtures and takes care of others, but ultimately how she first nurtures and takes care of herself. We cannot authentically give to others what we are unwilling to compassionately give to ourselves.” - Gala Jackson